03.17.21
Dear Vince,
You always wanted to rock Cachero on your back; athletics consumed you from the very beginning.
You loved the thrill of the arena, a sacred space where flow junkies thrive, where pressure is a privilege, addicted to the zero-sum lifestyle. Mud between your toes sprinting barefoot on the Ahuimanu Elementary fields, you were dead set on becoming a professional soccer player. But–as it often tends to do, life distracted you from your dream and you vowed to never let that happen again.
Then you stumbled into fighting, crossing over to a new dream. A Promethean at heart, you found the fire again. Let’s be real, it was never in your outward personality to be a “fighter” but it has always been your nature, inward. Jungian shadow work to a T. Lurking beneath the accolades, ego-propping clout, integration of the whole has always been the primary objective (subconscious or not). Here you thrived again, addicted to the process, the pain, the growth, The Athlete’s Journey.
Every journey comes to an end, and it’s time to close the book with gratitude. You didn’t perform to your potential at the highest stage, and that may eat away at your heart for many years to come, but one day you’ll realize that it’s okay. You didn’t reach all of your goals, but, in many ways, you surpassed your dreams. More importantly you integrated the lessons along the way. Most importantly you found coaches, teammates, and new family along the way. You put your head down and did the work, and I’ll forever be proud of you for that. You had your turn under the arena lights–and, boy, did you fucking love it–but now it’s time to help others grow. 8 to 24.
You had 4 years of being a professional athlete and for about 6 months, you got it.
You rocked Cachero on your back.
RIP
That me is dead. And for the first time in a very, very long time I feel happy and free again.
From the bottom of my heart, mahalo to all of my coaches and teammates. I would be nothing and would have amounted to nothing without the truly amazing people I have met along the way. I’m very blessed and lucky to have found the teams, coaches, teammates, and friends that I did. The bonds formed through fighting are like nothing else. Looking back on my career, it’s the experiences with tha boiiiis (and girls) that I will cherish the most. No doubt. A4, Factory X, Blackhouse, CMMA, Fight Science, Systems Training Center.
I never would’ve been able to reach the big show without the incredible team at Iridium Sports Agency. Best in the biz, hands down. Forever grateful.
Thank you to the UFC for giving me a shot. It was truly an honor to fight in the octagon.
I carried a lot of weight on my shoulders, pressure I didn’t even realize. I’m your prototypical Asian, just put my head down and do the fucking work. It got me far for sure, but I definitely didn’t live the most joyous life the past few years. Yet it's a sacrifice that I will easily make again if given the choice to do it over. However, it’s time to move on. I’m blessed to have purpose and goals beyond just fighting, and for a long time, I set those aside.
I know exactly what I’m going to do and just as when I was a child dreaming of becoming a pro athlete, I am fucking consumed by the desire to achieve my next set of goals. Nothing will stop me, especially because these aren’t zero-sum games. And wrestling isn’t involved haha. So here it is (not in hierarchical order by importance bc my wife will kick my ass if I don’t put family first):
• The Athlete’s Journey
Essentially Joseph Campbell for athletes. This is my ultimate purpose and I’ve always known it to be that. More to come at @theathletesjourney_
• Advocate and help push Hawai’i legislature toward legalization of psilocybin (magic mushrooms) for mental health
I’ll obviously need to speak more on this and most certainly will via my website and social channels. Psilocybin saved my life. Needless to say, I am not giving out medical advice here, just sharing my journey. Consult a doctor for anything you do. I had my first bout of depression when my little brother Charlie died 16 years ago. It definitely sent me down an existential and philosophical kick (one I’m super grateful for) but the depression came back in my early/mid 20s and kept coming back on a yearly basis ever since. In late 2019, I went through 4 months of daily passive suicidal ideation (keyword: “passive,” meaning I never intended on doing it nor thought of any plans to, but just the idea of it kept popping up in my head). Being a dumb fighter, I didn’t want to seek professional help because in my head, I believed if I got help, then that would mean I’m not mentally fit to keep fighting. I know, this is terrible logic but depression plus irrational mental fortitude will do that to you. Don’t be like me, get help. I wanted to help myself and discovered the research on psilocibyn’s effectiveness at treating depression so I took my first macrodose with therapeutic intent, and it cured me on the spot. 4 months of daily ideation, to being happy and stoked on life for months. No ideation, no depression. I battled depression again from Sept through Jan of this year, and I know I will have to battle it for the rest of my life, but I fully believe that psilocybin can and will lead better lives for people like me. The science continues to prove its effectiveness, it’s 100% natural, plus you don’t get zombied out from being on antidepressants. I know the effect it’s had on my life. I will fight for its legalization of therapeutic use in Hawai’i. Mushrooms save lives. Period.
• ‘Ohana
As soon as Kaui is done with her residency, we will pop a couple hapa babies out. I’m really excited for that day and can’t wait to become a father. The ability to help shape someone’s worldview, their entire existence, is mind-boggling to me. That’s cool as fuck and I really can’t wait for that day.
• Be an artist
I’m a creator, man, always have been. When I’m not creating, I get depressed. It’s simple math for me. I played with action figures up through high school making up stories and movies in my head. I spent countless hours customizing FIFA and Madden teams. I’ll always be a fly on the wall. With the advancement of technology, there will be new frontiers of art to make a mark in. I fully plan on pushing the boundaries just to how far creativity goes. Some things to expect and skills I know I want to explore: more camera work obv, stills, video, 360 work, blogging, writing, authoring a book, piano/keyboard, beats, guitar, music in general, VR unity work, digital illustration. Plus, I have the time to explore them all.
• Athletic goals
I love beating the shit out of my body all the way to its breaking point then tapping into the sadistic mental side to just push through. So naturally, next up is ultra running. I’ve never run more than 15 miles at a time, so it makes sense to me that the next big goal is 100 miles. Just want to do it once, then I’ll find the next athletic endeavor. Yolo.
In Zarathustra, Nietzche talks about the transmutation from camel to lion to child. I was a camel, became a lion, and now I’m becoming a child riding that ubermensch vibe. The autotelic life. A polymath’s polymath, an anomaly amongst anomalies… these have always been the goal. Egotistical? Maybe. Wild-man? Fully. But I don’t want money or clout, I really just want to see how deep this rabbit hole of consciousness and creation goes.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for fucking with me. Imma keep searching for Truth with a capital “T” and I’ll keep sharing what I learn along the way. My mission in life remains the same: Create and Inspire Growth. The best is yet to come.
Different animal. Same beast.
